


This isn't what I hoped for

by Lets_Queer_Things_Up



Category: Total Drama
Genre: Cannon Pairings - Freeform, F/M, Slow Burn, TDAS never happened, and loads of queers, cannon pairing to come, my third attempt at writing this lmaoo, post-TDROTI, survival fic, with eventually other pairings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 19:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11606961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lets_Queer_Things_Up/pseuds/Lets_Queer_Things_Up
Summary: None of them could've prepared themselves for what had happened.When he Playa was bombed, they were all scattered throughout the forest, and now they will try to find each other, and make it out alive.A re-write of an re-write of a fan fiction of the same title.





	1. The attack

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, third time's the charm, am I right?  
> This is a re-write of a fic with the same title & the basic plot.  
> Hope ya enjoy!

Zoey's P.O.V

Overwhelmed has always been a good word to describe me. Having grown up with no friends in a sports-obsessed town, even the tiniest noise was startling, and right now, everything was almost unbearable.  
I've never been this acutely aware of each heartbeat pumping blood through my veins. It was a reminder of me being alive, which came as a relief.  
Although my memory was foggy I could still remember what had happened. At first, we were all at the Playa and I was, along with Mike, in the living room. Something that I truly adored about Mike was his appreciation of silence. I've known quite a huge number of guys who constantly felt the need to fill up the silence with their voices. Being at the Playa with my fellow contestants and the players from the three previous seasons was an enjoyable experience, but being around so many people has took its toll on me, and I didn't feel a need to talk to anyone right now. At some point, we decided to go near the swimming pool. Thankfully, the contestants from the previous seasons have already gone to their respective homes - which meant that there were less people than beforehand.  
That was the turning point.  
I couldn't remember exactly who said what, but I could clearly remember Bricks' frantic yells, telling us to hurry up and run, talking about some planes and bombs? In the panic I somehow lost sight of anyone else.  
The next thing I remember was the earth shattering sound and effect of explosion. First, came the agonizingly profound noise of the explosion, followed by a low rumble of the Playa's construction crumbling down. This noise alone was enough to make me want to curl down in pain, but it wasn't everything. The whole island started shaking, and seeing how I was in the forest, this implied the fall of some trees and huge rocks to the ground. As if this wasn't enough, because of the explosion or the fall of the hotel where we stayed, the air was covered by a thick layer of dust, blinding me and making breathing a task so difficult it was unbearable.  
This lead me to where I was now. Limping aimlessly through the thick dust, trying to avoid getting hit by anything. At some point I lost feeling in my right hand, which I knew was a bad sign. I wasn't sure if it was due to gravity or the fact that I was walking further and further from the place of explosion, but I felt like it was easier to breathe, as if the air was now mostly made of air instead of dust. The sudden change worsened my dizziness and I fell to the ground, trying to orientate my fall towards the fresh air. I could feel my body slipping away, as if I was losing control of myself.

Sam's P.O.V

I was lucky enough to be alongside Dakota when the explosion went off. Thanks to her incredible height, we were both able to breathe easier than we would if she had regained her human body. At some point I told her to try and hide, to ensure whoever bombed us wouldn't notice us - here Dakotas' new appearance wasn't of much help but no planes seemed to notice her as they flew farther from the island. What we could see from the aftermath of the explosion broke our hearts. The trees near the place where once stood the Playa caught aflame and I sincerely hoped the other members of Revenge of the Island were in a safe distance from that place.  
"Dakota, are you able to walk for a long time with little rest? Or are you still adjusting to your new form?" I asked her, hoping the answer would enable us to look for the others.  
"I should be able to walk longer - while I'm not entirely used to this body yet, I am able to walk faster and on longer distances than before. Do you think we should immediately start searching for the others?" I simply nodded.  
I thought I would be able to walk alongside her on the ground but the air, even though it was clearer than elsewhere, had made it impossible for me to see where I was going or even breathe. Truth be told I didn't want to look for the others - I wanted to curl up in a corner and never face anyone ever again - a reaction I'd deem normal to such an out of ordinary situation. On the other hand, I knew that the others weren't as lucky to be with a giant who could put them into the air to endure their breathing as well as not letting them get too exhausted. This whole scenario made me feel nauseous- I could already picture the bodies of the others, burnt, crushed, I could hear their screams of agony. Dakota must've noticed my state because she put me onto the ground and tried calming me down by whispering soothing words.  
Too caught up in my imagination, I couldn't hear a word she said to me. What if there wasn't anyone else left to save? What if all of our friends have died already?  
I ended up throwing up all of today's food. Thankfully, Dakota stayed with my whimpering self - I doubt I would've been able to deal with this all by myself.  
Once I was able to stop the crying and throwing up, she started talking. I wasn't focused enough to know what she's been saying, but the sound of her voice was enough to help me get a grip on myself.  
I didn't want to share what had troubled me, but somehow I knew Dakota would figure it out, in fact, I wouldn't have been surprised if she had already figured it out. Nonetheless, we didn't speak of that as we continued on our, I hoped not fruitless, search for the others.

Jo's P.O.V

I fell to the ground with a heavy sigh. Running away from the place of explosion wasn't as easy as I would've thought. Although, wether it was because of the physical toll caused by the dust in the air, the falling trees and the shaking of the earth or the mental knowledge that at least two of my fellow contestants were dead.  
Dawn was the one who had noticed the planes first. She went around, asking people if the planes were meant for them. Most of us had been hanging out at the pool. Brick has been the one to start yelling at us - telling us the planes had bombs. At first, no one reacted, the shock of the news momentarily paralyzing us, but soon I joined Brick in urging them to run.  
I was one of the last ones to run alongside Brick, when he cursed.  
"Shit! Anne's still inside!" Before I could stop him, he turned around and sprinted towards the hotel. Noticing how close the planes were, I decided to leave them - prioritizing my own life.  
Considering how little time has passed between that exchange and the explosion, there was absolutely no chance of their survival.  
I knew blaming myself was unnecessary and would only worsen my situation, and yet? I couldn't stop feeling like I should've done something more. I could've stopped Brick, limiting the dead to one only, or maybe run with him? If we'd have found Anne earlier... groaning, I tried getting up. Getting lost in the what ifs would be bad. I should try to find a way out of this island.  
Once I managed to catch my balance after standing up, I looked around. I couldn't see anything because of the dust, although I had the impression that it was clearer now than before. Slowly making my way towards the clearer air, I desperately tried focusing on thoughts which didn't revolve around the other contestants. I sincerely hoped that I wasn't the only survivor out of thirteen people.  
Not paying attention to my surroundings, I let out a small cry of surprise as I tripped over something. No, someone.  
Zoey was laying on the ground, not breathing. I could notice the dark stain on her pants. She had lost consciousness. Without giving it much thought, I applied CPR on her, until I could hear her breathing. The action wasn't long, but its intensity had drained most of my energy. With almost inhuman strength I rose to my knees and picked Zoey up. Taking small breaks, I continued on my way, making up my mind.  
I had wanted to get out of that island at all costs but my priorities have changed. I now wanted to find the remaining people and get out of here together - no more deaths to guilt over.  
I had lost track of time or distance when I've found a cave. With my whole body being sore and Zoey to look after, I decided to stay there and rest for a while.

Cameron's P.O.V

I was going to die - that I knew for sure. Not only was physically exhausted and lost, I couldn't breathe, the dust and smoke filling my nostrils. I was tearing up, although was it the smoke, the dust , the emotions or all of these I couldn't tell.  
I have never been the one to run really fast, and soon, I was left behind. When the ground shook, I fell quite painfully on some rocks, I could feel my right temple getting wetter due to my own blood. In a haze I started running in a random direction- and now I think I might've accidentally sabotaged myself and ran towards the place of explosion. At first, I could barely see anything because of the dust but now, I could make out the brightly colored flames, and most importantly, I could feel the heat. I've tried screaming for help but to no avail. I couldn't believe it. Nothing this morning could've prepared me for my death. In fact, I've never considered such a scenario. To die alone in complete agony? I had done so much to ensure my life would be as manageable as it could, with all my various health problems. The TV show wasn't supposed to be the death of me, but rather an experience to toughen me up, as it has been requested by a few people.  
I could feel my body start shaking, and hyperventilate. My body was dying. I closed my eyes, to focus on the best part of my life: my mother. She was of a patience few could compare to, always taking care of me even though it was a long and slow process with few to no progress. Always spoke kindly and was full of love. I wanted to focus on her in my dying moments.  
I've always been considered a "mamma's boy" but could never see why I would take offense - I loved my mother with all my heart, and knew this love was reciprocal. There's nothing wrong with affirming your love to someone close to you, despite what others may tell you.  
The sudden contact with cold water made me open my eyes. I was now in the ocean surrounding the lake? I looked around, trying to notice my savior, and noticed a couple of bubbles instead. Swallowing my fear, I dived under the water, and noticed a body slowly going under. I'm still not sure how I managed to pull it towards surface - I guess I should thank my adrenaline. I've never felt my heart beating so fast or felt this energetic. Grabbing Lightning, who was unconscious , and making sure he could still breathe, I started swimming towards another part of the island. Thankfully, I've found a spot where we could get out of the water quite easily and where one could breathe and see, as much as it was possible with the dust. Once I managed to pull Lightning from the water, made sure he was breathing and then passed out next to him.

Staci's P.O.V

I have lost track of everything. I don't know for how long have I been running or where exactly I ran to. All I knew was that my left forearm was burnt and scarred, because of the fire in the forest. The pain was bearable for now, but I knew once my adrenaline would level down, the pain would be too much to handle.  
I lost myself in the forest, and I couldn't see too much, but at least I wasn't near a fire anymore. Running away was tiring, but I couldn't stop myself - my will to live was surprisingly strong. I've never considered myself a runner, and yet I've managed to escape from the place where the flames have burnt my forearm.  
I don't know why I wouldn't stop running, but I was glad I didn't - better to be safe far away than sorry near that place. I could see a bit more than before, almost as if the air was clean here.  
Suddenly, I could hear my ankle make a huge cracking sound and sharp pain shot through me. Immediately, I fell down, and gripped my right ankle. I had no idea what had just happened but I was unable to get back up, the pain pulsed through me with my blood. I don't know when the tears started to fall down my cheeks, but I have been soon overwhelmed by a feeling of hopelessness I've never experienced before.  
I had hoped my great-great-great-great-great-great uncle Andy would be there with me - according to my family he has invented most of medicine.  
Or anyone actually. I wouldn't mind being here with Chris if it meant knowing I wasn't the only one alive and having some sort of company, even if unpleasant, would be way more comforting than this mind crushing loneliness.  
Shaking with uncontrollable sobs, I curled down on the ground - although if I was crying because of my physical pain, my loneliness or the explosion, that I didn't know.  
A sudden sound made me turn to the right. A huge tree has started falling towards me, bringing with it a few smaller trees, which were linked to it by their branches. Crawling as fast as I could, I managed not to get crushed to death.  
On the downside, I was stuck under one of the smaller trees and I couldn't get out from underneath it.  
Letting out a sigh, I could feel the same feeling of hopelessness wash over me. 


	2. The Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the search for the survivors begins! Some will get lost, and some will be found. Some will have both.

Scott’s P.O.V

I cursed everything and everyone I could think of. Only recently was I able to get out of the machine I was stuck in, and the running took a much bigger toll on me than I would’ve predicted. Everything was aching, and I felt like giving up. What was the fucking point anyway? Still, something about death terrified me, pushing me to run even farther.  
At some point, my adrenaline levels decreased, and I let myself fall into the ground, taking deep breaths, grateful for the fact that I was alive. This led me to contemplate my fellow ex-contestants. I figured Jo, Lightning, Brick and Dakota were the most likely to survive. I doubt Cameron, B or Staci we’re able to make it out of there. This thought wasn’t either comforting nor was it painful. I had to admit, even I was surprised by this coldness. I wasn’t particularly close with any of them, but they were still people I knew. Still, I mused, I better ensure my own safety before I run around looking for them. With this in mind, I checked my body for any external wounds. One of my uglier wounds on my side opened during my run, the crimson blood soaking through the white fabric of my shirt.  
Cursing some more, I looked around hoping to see some kind of plants I could use as bandages. Nettles were sprawled around me. I had no clue about how hygienic this action was, but I couldn’t let myself do nothing bout this wound.  
I’ve never thought that passing out from pain was possible, and yet while applying the plants to my wound, I could feel my senses grow weaker and weaker compared to the sharp pain.  
Fortunately for me, I did not pass out, but I figured I couldn’t walk around yet, because the pain could overwhelm me at any given moment. With a sigh, I let my mind wander towards what happened. The whole scenario seemed so unreal, I couldn’t believe all of this actually happened, and yet I could see its aftermath all around me.  
I’ve never been one to cherish life, but in this moment, I was glad to feel alive. Now, all I had to do, was to get to my pappy. He has always been the person who mattered the most to me. Still, i knew i wouldn’t be able to go through this by myself. I knew the chances of me being the lone survivor were close to none, and although I had no idea who was dead and who was alive, I figured I could try looking for other survivors after resting for a while.  
I tried to position myself in a way that would hurt me the least, when suddenly the earth around shook slightly. I got up as fast as it was possible in my case, fearing the worst. The source of this turned out to be the Dakota monster and not a new earthquake. This was the only time i was genuinely happy to see Sam with that giant. My levels of thankfulness rose even higher when she put me on her shoulder, and let me rest.

Mike’s P.O.V

Switching back to myself has never been a pleasant experience. The headache which accompanied me was worse than usually, and looking around I felt ready to throw up. It's one thing to lose yourself in a forest because of yourself, and another thing to find out one of your personalities has lost you in one.  
At least when I get lost somewhere, i can usually retrace my footsteps in quite a precise way. When it's one of my personalities however? I don't remember anything, but at the same time, I'm not exactly willing to let any of them take over again.  
Practicing the breathing exercises Cameron and Zoey found online, I did my best to focus on something else than the devastating feeling of panic. Looking around, trying to figure out my way out of here, I could feel these exercises did help me.  
Despite the fact that I was surrounded by a bunch of similar looking trees, I could think in a clearer manner.  
As much as I disliked it when the others took over my body, I knew Manitoba Smith was my way out of here.  
I closed my eyes, to picture my home again. This was a trick my adopted mother taught me, for communicating with my alters.  
Coming inside, I saw most of them huddled near Manitoba's room.  
“What's going on?" I wasn't sure why exactly, but I felt this situation called for whispering.  
It felt almost surreal to find myself hugged by Svetlana.Vito was eyeing me angrily, the way he always did since his rough break up with Anne. Chester was silent, which is quite surprising for the old man.  
“What happened to Manitoba?” I asked Svetlana, and she looked upset.  
“That’s what we’re trying to figure out. He’s nowhere to be found, there is no way of contacting him.” I could feel my heart rate grow faster. This was enough for me to lose my focus and i found myself back in the forest again. With a heavy sigh I stood up, with the dire knowledge I couldn’t count on anyone to come and save me.  
Taking in my surroundings, I felt a sense of uneasiness wash over me. Something was definitely wrong. The air felt heavy and it was more difficult to see and breathe than usually. Additionally I could see some trees seemed destroyed, and here were cracks in some rocks. The setting made me think of all the post-apocalyptic movies I’ve seen. Something bad definitively happened here, which meant two things: my friends were in danger. If they were alive. Balling my hands in fists, I looked up. I would do my very best to find them. Even if Manitoba wouldn’t help me, I had to help others. With this thought in mind, I started walking towards a random direction.

Lightning’s P.O.V

_“Help!” The voice screaming kept getting weaker and weaker. A part of me wanted to make a U turn and run away, but I knew this wasn’t the moral thing to do. Seeing Cameron wasn’t reassuring or comforting. In fact, I wanted to leave him more than any other contestants. Still, seeing him at the verge of death made me feel almost responsible for him._  
_Running through the maze of flames and woods was exhausting enough without any additional weight, and even though Cameron wasn’t a heavy person, it took its toll on me, and I could remember falling towards the huge body of water._  
__Taking a breath, I opened my eyes wide. I couldn’t tell wether it was night or day, or where I was. Looking around in confusion, I noticed Cameron, passed out next to me. I had no clue how much time has passed since I’d saved him but I figured that resting some more wouldn’t hurt us.  
As if on cue, the ache in my muscles strengthened, and I found myself wincing from pain. Still, the pain wasn’t enough to stop me from sitting up. I knew I had to find a way back home, since no planes would fly here to get us. With my finger I tried to retrace a map of the island, with no clear result. With a frustrated groan I erased it all, and looked at Cameron again. The wound on his head stopped bleeding but I wasn’t sure how harmful it could be.  
He seemed to be asleep. Something about this image pissed me off. How could he be sleeping peacefully after almost dying?  
He jerked awake as I put my hand on his shoulder to wake him. Looking around, he shot me a tired smile, as if we weren’t stranded on an island with no way to escape.  
“Thank you.” I guess I should’ve been expecting this, but his thanks caught me by surprise. Not knowing how to reply, i focused on trying to draw the island again.  
“Wait, the mansion was more here.” Cameron’s finger left a dot in the sand. After a moment he made another dot, on the right side of the island from the mansion’s dot.  
“Which puts us here.” I nodded. In the end, it made sense that he’d be able to retrace his steps more or less.  
“Let’s go.” He nodded curtly, and we got up, and headed towards the forest. I wouldn’t be able to tell you what he was thinking about, whether he was concerned by the survival of others or only of his own. I reflected on the matter. I was sure that I’d prioritize my life over the lives of others, and yet I already proved myself wrong by getting Cameron from those flames.  
_Focus. Empathy won’t get you far._ My coaches’ voice rang in my head and my eyes narrowed. As per usual, he was right.  
Still, I mused, having a companion won’t be too bad. In the worst case he could serve as bait.  
On this grim note, I continued my walk with Cameron.

__

____

Dawn’s P.O.V

It was heartbreaking to see the island in such a sorry state. I wondered how any living being could be this cruel towards not only nature but fellow living beings. I’ve never understood people who felt this need to hurt other living beings. Which was why I usually tried to distance myself from other people. It also helped that they found me to be creepy and stalker-like, even though I’ve never stalked anyone.  
I’ve always felt more calm, relaxed, safe in a forest rather than with other people. This time, however, I wished I could be alongside someone else. Hobbling on my feet, I had to stop myself from retching whenever I looked around. Despite the fact that I haven’t spent a lot of time in this forest and didn’t know the animals living inside of it yet, I still felt like I lost a part of me. I hoped I could offer my help to any living being, but didn’t find any on my path, until I crashed into one. Well, more specifically she crashed into me. I’d have never expected Jo to to be this happy upon seeing me. Leading me to a cave, she informed me that Zoey was inside, and that she was in a pitiful state.  
Once we were inside the cave, I instructed Jo on what she could do to help me help Zoey feel better, and while she went on to search for Rosemary, Lavender or Peppermint, as well as water.  
Thankfully, she’d already thought of bringing in smaller branches and other things which could be used to light a fire.  
By the time Jo has arrived, I had managed to lit a small fire, Jo however has been unsuccessful. Even so, she brought some provisions, which has, once again, almost caused me to throw up. Together, we moved Zoey closer to the fire, and let ourselves rest as well. Leaning against Jo’s shoulder, I could feel an unbelievable amount of tension radiating off of her, but she denied it when I confronted her.  
“Jo, please. I understand you love being in charge, but doesn’t mean you have to keep everything in. It’s harmful.” My words were met with silence, Jo’s gaze focused on the flames.  
“Anne and Brick are dead.” Barely a whisper, but each word weighed a ton.  
It is one thing to feel terrible about being in a destroyed forest, but to loose two people who you knew? I was expecting tears, a breakdown, crying and screaming. And yet, I wasn’t even able to produce one tear. I felt like the news drained everything out of me.  
I could feel Jo’s cold gaze on me. I wonder how come she could go on as if nothing happened. The air seemed thick, and liquid. I wasn’t able to catch my breath. With a sigh Jo put one arm around me & softly guided me through a breathing routine. It did help to release the tension from my head. The other thing I can clearly recall was crying into her arm.

B’s P.O.V

I was glad I didn’t have asthma. Doubt anyone who suffers from it would be able to survive. Wiping the sweat off of my face, I tried recalling where the mansion once stood, and if I was in a safe distance from it.  
In a way, I had to admit that this was the straw which broke the camels back. I’ve usually been a chill kind of person, laid back. This however, was worse than any tricks I’ve fallen for beforehand. It’s one thing to pull a nasty trick on someone and another one to try to murder people. Narrowing my eyes, I could feel a fire growling inside of me, and I promised myself, that whoever was trying to get us killed would pay for this.  
Still, I let myself sit down and meditate, as best as I could, to focus on something else. As much as I wished for it to be a dream, I was aware that playa has actually been destroyed, it’s ashes probably swirling in the air around me. I had to find the others. I felt a pang of guilt for not grabbing Dawn or Cameron. I sincerely hoped they made it out. I hoped they’d all made it out somehow. Furrowing my brows and opening my eyes, I decided to go straight ahead.  
Usually, I found walks in the forest to be relaxing and enjoyable, even though I’m not a huge fan of the outside. This however? The bare trees, the night-like atmosphere and the lack of fresh air? The stillness of... well everything. There was no wind, no birds... everything was dead.  
Lost in my own thought, I’d heard the rustling too late. Turning around, I felt a wave of relief wash over me at the sight of Mike. The feeling was mutual, he yelled my name and we hugged. It felt almost surreal, and I’ve never felt more alive. There was a slight buzz in my head, as Mike rambled, trying to figure out what happened. I tried my best to explain it to him, but Dawn was the only one who understood me. Still, I figured Manitoba must’ve taken control over Mike and run away. I was glad that his alters weren’t a simple nuisance and that they could save him.  
We wandered about for quite some time. At least, that’s how it felt. I was thankful when Mike stopped chattering, and we continued walking in a comfortable silence. That is, until a huge orange leg appeared before us.  
Dakota was already carrying Sam, Scott and a pretty beat up Staci, but she didn’t seem to mind adding the two of us. The sudden change in both air pressure and quality made me dizzy, but then again, Dakota seemed to be the one least affected, probably thanks to her height.  
As I was sitting on top of her, I couldn’t help but think about my fellow contestants. I hoped that Anne, Brick, Cameron, Dawn, Jo, Lightning and Zoey were alive and as alright as conditions allowed them to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry guys I lost track of time and uh yeah. Hope you guys liked it!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed!  
> Critiques and comments are welcomed.


End file.
